my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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