Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Randomize
