Already got asked if we're dating
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
