Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
