Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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