tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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