Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
