Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize