Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
