so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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