I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
