I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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