I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
why is half of my head shaved?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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