We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
