I need help removing her.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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