I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
