i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
