security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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