he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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