he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
