If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
