You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize