Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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