I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
