i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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