my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
