Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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