We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
