xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is Oprah even human
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
