i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize