the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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