Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
