So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Screwed.edu
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
