I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
