I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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