So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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