No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
