all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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