Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
