i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
