he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize