You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
