I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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