Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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