i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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