i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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