I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
