do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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