Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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