I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
