Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
