So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
