ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize