She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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