I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
