I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
