you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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