why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
