yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
