Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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