I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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