In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
