R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
